Self-Mastery Phase
Some days, I just walk. Down the path to the dam, or up through the forest where the light breaks in pieces through the leaves. I don’t always know what I’m looking for — sometimes just space to think, sometimes to stop thinking.
The little kids run past shouting; I used to do that too. Now I watch them and remember and feel… different.
We talk a lot, my friends and I — about how things work, how people work, what might happen next. We make things happen too...since no one has ever told us that anything is impossible, we know that anything and everything is, and no one can stand in our way once we've decided on something.
Sometimes we argue, my friends and I, sometimes we banter and laugh until it hurts, sometimes we play frisbee or soccer all morning, sometimes we just sit on the deck doing our own things next to each other. The grown-ups are around, but they don’t hover. They trust us to figure things out, and sometimes we wish they would tell us what to do because it's uncomfortable stretching into being the boss of myself. When we need help, we know where to find it — and it means something that it’s by choice.
Lately I’ve been thinking about what I want to do, and who I want to become. It’s a strange feeling — like standing on a ridge where you can see far in all directions: the path behind and so many potentials on the horizon, and no clear paths to get there.
There’s still time to explore, to make mistakes, to start again. But it feels like the choices are beginning to matter, and that’s exciting and scary all at once.
The Self-Mastery Phase begins around fourteen, when the horizon of the future comes into view and young people start to sense themselves as agents within it. The task of this time is not simply to learn new skills, but to learn how to navigate the complexity of selfhood — emotionally, socially, intellectually, and ethically.
This phase often looks chaotic or unconsidered from the outside. Much of the work is interior, individual work being constantly bounced off one another: forming values, testing boundaries, discerning what is authentic and what is borrowed. Young people may sometimes seem withdrawn or restless; this “lurking” is part of the recalibration required to step into genuine independence.
The ecosystem holds them gently in this space — neither directing nor abandoning, but remaining available, steady, and respectful of timing. Facilitators and mentors shift toward a stance of companionship and standby support, trusting that each young person is capable of charting their own next steps. This phase is often as uncomfortable for adults (especially parents) as it is for young people, because so many of us have been conditioned
For all its discomfort, this phase is also one of the most joyful and exhilirating times for both children and adults, characterised by exponential growth and capacity for accelerated creation in all areas of their lives. Some children choose to pursue formal qualifications to open future options; others follow project-based or apprenticeship pathways that align with their interests, and still others create their very own paths, drawing on all the resources that are available to them. What matters most is that each one learns to hold their own compass — to recognise the signals of integrity, curiosity, and care that guide them from within.
The Self-Mastery Phase is where the long arc of the journey begins to take form. It is a time of joy and discomfort, depth and astonishing growth, when young people learn that mastery is not control, but the ongoing art of knowing and choosing themselves.
